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NOTES: The couple mentioned (narrator and "you") is not canon at the end of the movie after which this takes place, but they are confirmed as a pair in a later sequal. All other couples are canon. That hint enough for you? ^_~ Good luck.
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You're not over him. I'm beginning to think that you never will be. Do you even realize it? Do you even notice the way that even though you hate him, you can't let him go?
Since we got together, you've always wanted to keep our relationship a secret. I don't blame you; I can't exactly have it be publicly known either. But I can't help but wonder if it might be different with him. If he wanted you, would you run to his arms and yell it out to the world?
You take me like it's not big deal, but you never let me take you. You won't say it, but I know why that is. You wanted it to be him. You still want it to be him.
That's really what kills you. Despite what he said, he never really wanted you. He wanted her. And he was willing to use you to get her. That's what eats you up inside, making you hate him, hate yourself. It hurts you that someone you cared about so deeply was capable of such betrayal.
In all fairness to him, I don't think he meant it that way. He thought he saw a way to make everything work out, and he went for it. It was your bad fortune to be a casualty of that decision.
It's funny, really. You pride yourself on being a man's man. You pride yourself on your cynicism, and how you know that sex drives us, controls us through our urges. You never put much stock in emotions; God knows you make no pretense of being in love with me. And yet, you ran from him because of his betrayal. Because you knew that what he was offering you, sex or no, was not real. It was frighteningly noble of you.
That's the thing about you. Deep inside, you're just as fragile as the rest of us, maybe even more so. You're so afraid of letting the world see what you are. You're afraid of letting yourself see what you are. Because you loved him; you still love him. And he rejected you, in his own subtle, unintentional. And because of that, you can never forgive yourself. Because his opinion means that much to you. It's on his will that you still live and breath.
You told me what happened with him, but even now, even if I ask you point blank, you still refuse to admit that you love him or ever loved him. I know you do, but you can't admit it. I know you must, else why would you have stayed. You were willing to try to make it work, for his sake. For his sake alone, you were willing to try something on the off chance that it would make him happy and let you be with him, even though it killed you inside to do it.
Looking back, it's probably a good thing she turned him down. If you had gone through with it, I can't help but wonder what would be left of your heart.
There's precious little as it is.