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NOTES: Takes place at the end of a comic book series. (-Gasp- Traditional comics? Heavens!) Slash relationship is CANON and adorable. I haven’t actually read the end, though I’ve seen pieces, so forgive me if this is a little off. It’s partly speculation (the very end) anyway, from what I understand of the ending. Good luck!
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You must think me a coward for leaving. I don’t blame you. I know how it must seem, me leaving the second things got tough. But you doesn’t understand, you never will, because I’ll never tell you.
I can’t tell you how afraid I really was, when I saw that vision of the future. I can’t tell you that it made me break out in a cold sweat, that it was in fact everything I ever feared.
You told me to come back, that it was only a hoax, that I had no reason for staying away. But you don’t know, don’t really understand the reason I left in the first place. I wanted to protect you. Give me credit; I’m no moron. I’m not easily fooled. I believed that imposter because the story he fed me was everything I ever feared.
All I ever wanted was you. But I don’t deserve you. Someone as dirty, as ruthless as I am, doesn’t need to taint you. You’re ruthless yes, but not like me. Somehow you always manage to keep that golden aura around you, the un-smudged glisten of the hero. I live in deathly fear of marring that precious perfection.
I saw you, in that vision, that false vision, stripped of your power, your will, your strength. I saw that your love for me had stripped it from you, forcing you into a withered shell of your former self. I was so very afraid for you, afraid that you would become that, that I had no choice but to sacrifice Us to save you.
And even if that vision was not real, even if I was merely tricked, that doesn’t mean that such a thing could never happen. I know you, I know myself. I understand how easily it could happen. You know how good I am with odds. Don’t you think I’ve worked this one out?
If you withered, if you faded like that, for me… I’d never forgive myself. I don’t want to pull you down to my own depths. For so long I’ve relied on you to pull me up, reign me in when I slip just a bit too far into my own madness. I know you think I’m a bundle of darkness wrapped around a core of gold. I know you think that, but it’s different. Perhaps there is a white me in the center, but he’s a small, fragile, huddled child, constantly menaced by the approaching dark. Only you can protect me from that dark.
But I don’t know how much longer I could rely on you for that without damaging you irrevocably. It could happen. I know it could. And if I want to stay sane, I need you to stay that pillar of hope and justice that you’ve always been. I need that ideal.
If you truly love me, if you truly want me to be sane, then you wouldn’t keep pulling me back like this. And yet…
And yet…
I love you. Forgive me if I collapse once more in your arms. Forgive me if I’m not strong enough to stay away. I made a decision, a promise to myself, but forgive me if I am too in love with you to keep it.