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Mystery Fic #33




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NOTES: Takes place towards the end of a movie. Since that's not much of a hint, here's one: the movie is from 1989, and stars at least one actor that you will recognize, as well as others that you might or might not. And with that, good luck!

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I know you craved love. Your father’s love, your audience’s love, your peers’ love. I know that you did what you did because that love was being taken away from you. I understand how much it must have hurt.

But what about me?

Was my love inferior, somehow? Was it not enough? You must have known how I worshipped you. You were the bright and burning center of my life. You must have known.

But you did it anyway. Selfish. Selfish. How am I supposed to go on without you? How am I supposed to face the big, frightening world without you? The world is dark and shadowy and strange without you here. The coldness of the winter seems suddenly inside me, in my heart, freezing me. Why? Why does it have to be like this, when you’re the one who taught me to love the world?

I want to love it again, in honor of your memory. I want to love it the way you loved it, the way you loved the stage, with everything in your being. I want to take my passion, my own creative outlet, and I want to give you an ode. I want to come up with some words, something that will do justice to who you were.

But they won’t come. When I need them most, the words are gone from me, just as you are. I need them so badly, need something to keep me sane and grounded in your place.

Why?! Why did you leave this hole inside me? Didn’t you care about me? Didn’t you love me?

Oh God. Oh God. I loved you so much. But those words are so stupid. So meaningless. Love isn’t an image anymore, it’s a cliché. And I’m supposed to be the one who can bring in the new images and let them love the world and flower in people’s minds so that they see it differently and understand. I’m supposed to be able to communicate to them how much I loved you.

But I can’t. Because you’re gone.

And you’ve taken my words, my breath, my love, with you.




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